Wow, it has been a little bit since my last blog. Sometimes life just gets in a whirlwind and you just have to go with it for a bit. Some new exciting things have been worked into my schedule, that I’m so excited about and can’t wait to share with you guys. Which has also caused me to slow down on my blogging. Maybe you all have been able to catch up on my posts.
Natural childbirth is exciting to read and hear about, because it is something that isn’t normal in our culture and I can’t wait to share more with you. I think I had mentioned before that even though I have given you a lot of information about midwifery and natural labor, a lot of it was going on 2 years of memory so I wanted to put it on pause for when I go through it again, I will be sure to give you all the details of how day to day life of pregnancy and preparing my mind, body, and spirit for natural labor is like. According to plan, it may not be too much longer (wink, wink).
But today I want to talk about how we can come to understand our children and the way they respond to things, which could, in turn, lead to a more peaceful and less stressful parenting life. This can also be very informative in understanding each individual person around you as well. If you have heard of this before, then you have probably been able to understand others from a different perspective other than the way you see or would do things.
I read the book Personality Plus so my terms come from this book, because it was the first time I had ever read about different “personalities” in such detail explaining why people are the way they are. There are other terms out there that basically mean the same thing but have a different name for each category. Not only has it helped me understand adults and those around me, but it has also helped me understand my daughter and how she handles situations.
4 Personality Profiles That Everyone Fits Into.
Sanguine– These are your “life of the party” people.
Some of their strengths include: Popular, super fun to be around, optimistic, spontaneous, confident, talkative, creative.
Some of their weaknesses include: doesn’t remember names, disorganized, exaggerates, many fans but few friends, self-centered.
Everyone needs someone like this in your life to make you laugh!
If you have a child that is sanguine, then I guarantee you never have a dull moment in life. They are creative, fun, expressive, never stops talking, and always needing mom and dad’s attention. By understanding their personality, we can understand how to encourage their strengths and acknowledge their weaknesses. If you do not have a sanguine personality, it can be hard to process their energy and respond to them in a way that tears down who they are, but, rather, we can be teaching them how to use their personality to their full potential.
A few ways we can help our kids with this personality is by challenging them to tell stories exactly how it happened and show them how exaggerating can lead to something bigger. We can help them pause for a moment to notice their surroundings and who their actions may be effecting.
Phlegmatic– (This is me!… and Joel, which causes nothing to be accomplished LOL) These are your “cool calm and collected”.
Their strengths are: go with the flow, laid back, not one to speak up, quiet, good listener, patient.
Their weaknesses are: not enthusiastic, dislikes change, procrastinates, indecisive, emotionally closed, avoids conflict.
Our world needs peacemakers.
If you have categorized your child in the Phlegmatic category, then your child is easy going, laid back, not worked up over too much, and content. I would say as a child Kate was this way. She could ride in a car for hours, she could sleep or be awake, she wasn’t affected when her schedule got all messed up (Thank goodness since I’m terrible at schedules!). She was very laid back. You may have a child who doesn’t do well with change and only likes to sleep in their bed, or doesn’t matter where they are and are easily entertained. With a Phlegmatic child, you probably have a pretty chill home life.
One thing we can do to address their weaknesses is by encouraging them to try something new, give them an environment that allows them to express their emotions. Phlegmatics tend to hold it all in and try to deal with everything themselves without bothering anyone with their problems, but this can lead to sudden outbursts of anger from everything they have been holding onto, therefore, we want to teach them how healthy it is for them to express their emotions right away and resolving the issue before it escalates another issue.
Choleric- These are your “On a mission” leaders.
Their strengths include: Natural Born Leader, goal oriented, strong- willed, can run anything, independent, thrives off of opposition, is usually right.
Weaknesses: Doesn’t see faults, Needs control, workaholic, not so good people skills, can come off bossy.
We all know we need leaders to run our country and keep everyone in order!
If your child is choleric, then you may have several arguments in your future. These children will be determined to win them all. This is where a “pick your battles” can come into play. If its something small (like letting them wear their pajamas all day, or wear the same shirt two days in a row, or insisting on doing a task themselves) that doesn’t harmfully effect their life, let them win some. Give them something that allows them to be in charge. Allow them to “lead” in small ways. Figure out a way to make a task that needs to be done their idea. We want to encourage their strengths and teach them to understand their weaknesses. These are your kids that might need a little more discipline to control their strong willed personality. It’s not a bad thing to be strong-willed, but they should learn how to control it at certain times as they get older.
Melancholy- This is your organized group.
Strengths: Detail oriented, can be counted on to finish the job, plans and organizes, neat and orderly.
Weaknesses: Easily depressed, assumes the worst in people and situations, Low self esteem, has unrealistic expectations, procrastinates through planning.
We all need order and people who will get the job done!
If your child is melancholy, then you probably notice their details in certain things, whether that be coloring a picture, tieing their shoe, washing their hands, or cleaning up their toys.
Some ways we can encourage their strengths is by giving them a task that allows them to plan and organize how it will get done. Give them plenty of time to finish the task. Try not to get impatient and move on before they have time to finish, because that can cause them to feel like they weren’t good enough to finish. As stated above, their weaknesses include depression and low self esteem. We want to uplift them above and beyond and encourage them about everything. Our melancholy group can never have too much “words of affirmation” to keep them in good spirits about themselves.
It is important that we all know these categories and where our loved ones fall into. Our marriages thrive when you understand each others motives and actions. Our children thrive when we know how to address their behavior appropriately. These 4 Categories changed my entire perspective of human nature. We are all different, but we can all be categorized into these categories. I have become a Choleric/Phlegmatic personality as I have gotten older and taken on more responsibility. I like for things to be done and I like for them to be done correctly, but I also like to sit back and not have to think about anything and make any decisions. My husband is a Phlegmatic/Melancholy personality. He is very detail oriented and doesn’t see an urgency for anything to be done at a certain time. I am still trying to figure out my daughters personality. I see a little bit of each personality come out in her at times, but I would say she is leaning more towards a Sanguine/Choleric personality.
All of this to say, we can’t compare our children to others around us. They all develop at different paces, they are are wired differently. Some are ready to learn and detail earlier in age and some are just on the fun train and don’t have any urgency to learn anything right away, because life is fun as it is!
I’m speaking to myself here. I recently decided to potty train my daughter, and was determined to train her in a weekend. Everyone else around me had already done it so why can’t we? I didn’t necessarily plan to potty train her until 3 years old, because that is when all my siblings started potty training theirs, so I just assumed that was the age you started working with them. Except for recently, I’ve heard moms potty training at 18 months or right at 2 years so I was thinking we can do that too. Kate was showing some interest and kept asking to potty so I thought if we are going to do this lets do this.
This ended up leading into me being frustrated and Kate refusing to sit on the potty. Which is the WORST way to potty train a child. After my amazing mom and two wonderful sisters talked some sense in to me, I was able to step back and realize we don’t have to be like everyone else. When she is ready she can let me know. So I have backed off tremendously, and doing my best to make sitting on the potty her idea ha! Whenever she does go in the potty I make a huge (and I mean huge!) celebration about it, and when she doesn’t make it I just tell her it is okay or just ignore it all together. If you make a big deal out of both they get confused and then get shut off about the whole situation when they get a negative response about making an accident. After all, it is an accident. I have to remind myself that she hasn’t had to think about this at all up until this point, and she is completely training her mind and muscles to understand the sensation.
Understanding my daughters personality, has also allowed me to be a better mother to her personally. We all hear how parents say they had to parent their children completely different from each other, because one way for one child could be absolutely pointless for another child. If we understand the way our children respond, we can act accordingly to what best suits them individually. A lot of us parents are feeling lost and exhausted with our kids, because we don’t know how to approach their actions.
I hope this has allowed you to not only understand those around you, but also challenge you to learn your kids actions and ways of doing things, so that, you can give them everything they need to grow in confidence of their personality and be aware of their weaknesses.