What will my friends and family say when I tell them I want a natural birth? What about my husband? I’m not even fully sure I am prepared to do that. What if they convince me to change my mind when I don’t want to be convinced?
These are all questions I asked myself, and you may be asking yourself. This is not about them. This is about YOU and your sweet baby. I got every sort of response you could think of. However, I got the best response from the people that I wanted there with me. Joel and my mom. Like I said in previous blogs, my mom used a midwife 3 times and had great experiences, so she was excited for me and fully supportive. Joel didn’t say much at first when I mentioned it (he doesn’t say much period unless he DOESN’T agree so I guess that was a good sign). He loves me and could only think about my safety overall. He is so sweet 🙂 I married one of the good ones! I would hope that all of your husbands feel the same about you, which is probably why most of your husbands would be totally against it if you mentioned the words midwife or home birth. You can go ahead and thank them for loving you so much to protect you. BUT! Lets see if I can supply you with enough positive and reassuring information that you can bring them on board…
Before I get into our husbands, because they are the MOST IMPORTANT supporter, lets discuss the others that have their reservations about it. When telling others, lets remember this has become a foreign way of birthing. Let me also give you permission to choose who to tell and who not to tell. You have to know yourself and what you can handle. If you can not handle the negativity from others, don’t tell them or talk about it. They are only hindering your NATURAL process of birth. Go ahead and thank them as well for wanting you and baby to be safe, but let them know that this is the way that you and your husband are comfortable with and are confident that mama and baby are in GREAT hands. Any negative response I got, powered me even more to prove that I can do this, but if you can’t process those comments that way, they will slowly eat at your confidence until you have believed the lie that your body ISN’T made for this. Unless they know all the information, they don’t know the true outcomes of most home births. And let’s just be honest…. If they knew the information, they would be supportive ;).
I was so thankful that my mom was fully on board. MOST of your moms might not be, but that’s okay! You can either take the time to inform them of your research and how strongly you feel this is the best way, or just accept that they don’t agree and rely on someone else who does. I can only imagine that is easier said than done!! IT’S OUR MOM. If you have a close relationship with your mom like I do, her opinion matters!! Her presence matters. Joel was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING THE ENTIRE DAY I WAS IN LABOR! But, I don’t know what I would have done if my mom wasn’t there with full support of my decision. Our moms only want us to be safe and without pain. When we hurt, they hurt. I am a mom now, and I am 100% fully aware of that feeling. But birth is a beautiful process, not a hurtful one.
Having a non medicated birth is not something that should be taken lightly. You have to be fully committed and EVERYONE in the room with you has to be fully committed. Unless a true emergency takes place, you want and need to know that the people(doctors, nurses, midwives, doula, husband, family, etc.) in your room will only continue to encourage you and strengthen you to keep going. It will be so rewarding! I can’t express that enough.
Okay so now Joel gets the spotlight, which for those of you that know him, knows that he absolutely loves that.
It could get a little mushy gushy, because if I didn’t think I could love him any more than I did before I got pregnant I was wrong! It was so cute and funny watching his responses to different things. Like I said earlier, he doesn’t have much to say until he doesn’t agree and then there is not much said that can change his mind. Fortunately for me, the disagreements he had towards things were small and I just said okay that’s fine we don’t need that or don’t have to do that. One of them being, we aren’t taking pictures of me in labor LOL! Anything I read and found important, I would read it to him. Anything I wanted to watch (birth related) he would sit down and watch it with me. He was in from the beginning, but the more POSITIVE information I gave to him, the more on board he was. Different, less perfect, situations can happen, but they don’t have to know that and we don’t have to dwell on that. We just have to stay positive that our bodies work! When I would tell him statistics or certain things about hospitals vs. home births, he would just shake his head and say more people should know this! I agree 🙂
I mentioned to him the other day that maybe I’ll have my next birth at a hospital (to see what he said) and he said “If that’s what you want to do, I’ll support your decision.” THAT my friends is the RIGHT answer. To both scenarios- home birth or hospital. Yes, this is both you and your husbands baby and you are in this together, but you are the mom and we, mothers, have a great sense of what is best. Men don’t know the details(and probably don’t want to), but we can educate them and assure them that this is an option! We need their support and their participation to get us through. Those two things are so important though. If they commit, they need to know it is hands on. I think Joel liked knowing that he would be included in the process. One thing that discouraged him when we got pregnant was that my full attention would be taken off of him. He waited 27 years for me, and he wasn’t ready to share. Okay, now I am crying….. But I really think that with the participation he was able to be a part of, helped him see that he wasn’t losing my attention, but GAINING more! He went with me to EVERY. SINGLE prenatal session, and he was by my side the entire day of birth. I’d say the only thing he didn’t experience was obviously the carrying of child. Knowing that he was needed and wanted made him feel special. Sometimes,(from what I hear) our husbands don’t feel needed in the process. They just sit back and wait for us to do our thing and let the doctors take over. What if our husbands want to be included? What if they want to be involved in the experience? What if we want our husbands to be more involved in the birthing experience?
I have learned and loved every step of the process and believe in the power of natural home birth so much that I considered becoming a midwife or even a doula! I saw the importance of positive reassurance that I wanted to be that for other expectant and laboring mothers who may not have that! I want to be at every birth to tell you that you can do this! Your body is made for this! When the pain intensifies and you think you can’t do it anymore, I want to be able to tell you that you are ALMOST done and your baby is so excited to meet you!
But for now, I love my clients and making them feel beautiful and handsome. I love being a mom and wife. I’d love to be a stay at home mom one day, but I haven’t totally put away the possibility of midwifery in the future maybe, because along with making people feel pretty and being a mom and wife, I still have a passion for you, women, to see the beauty in yourselves, while also seeing AND feeling 😉 life come into this world.
If any of you ever need the encouragement when you aren’t feeling like you are getting enough, I will listen and I will encourage.
Oh and don’t worry. Joel had and still has PLENTY of attention from me and his sweet baby girl. He is not lacking 😉 and he is wrapped so tightly around that little finger of hers.